When I think about this saying, it makes me smile. And for a moment, everything feels complete. Anyone going through tough times? Here's a tool that can redirect you from negative spiralling, stress and low mood, to taking a breather and taking stock.
I won't start by sharing the context around me feeling low and distressed for a few months. I'm back to baseline almost. I've managed it and learnt a lot. Instead, I'm going to jump straight into the pieces of wisdom that for me, were an instant antidote to being mid-thought spiral or nipping the start of one in the bud.
Say this yourself:
This is my life.
This. Is. My. Life.
Look around you. Where are you? What do you have nearby? Where do you live? What does your home have in it? Who loves you? Who is there for you? What are some of your favourite memories from the last week or two? How is your health? What do you do with your time that makes you feel well and good? Did your [insert pet, friend, partner, postman, neighbour, colleague, kid, childcarer here] do something kind or amusing today? Look around you. This is your life. You made this happen. All the little steps you've taken, things you've endured, wins and losses, perseverance, habits, redirections and intentions, conscious or not, have got you here. How do you feel?
This can result in two outcomes: gratitude/celebration or disappointment/anger (or both at the same time).
I don't discount that life can be a result of circumstance, unfortunate events, the resistances you face as a minority etc., but ultimately you have chosen to lay your life out like this, or, choose to operate in this way in response to things. So, instead of letting woe, pain, stress, and negative thought spirals take over (like it did me), allow this saying to help you pause and see the goodness.
I'm not advocating for toxic positivity; to reason yourself out of feelings you need to feel–no, FEEL IT ALL! SIT IN THAT SH*T. Accept how you feel. But know when it becomes indulging in negative or heavy emotions, and say the above to yourself...feel grateful for how your life looks, no matter how small a thing comes up when you do this exercise. And, if you don't like it, respect it, value it, think it could be better – know that you have the agency to change it. You are not a prisoner of your life.
Even though I was going through a period of unforeseen change that hit me harder than I thought, this tool helped me realise the abundance I have in my life amidst the loss and hurt. It helped focus and ground me in the beauty, opportunities, and pillars of support that I do have. It reminded me of everything I had experienced in my life, wayyy harder than this period, and showed me that I have the talent and strength to get through these hurdles – and some! "I am Alix Blankson. I am full of starshine. I don't have to let this take over me. I feel how I feel, but I can go again."
Look at your life another way...
I spied the below poem on Instagram @poemstothecity on World Mental Health Day. It put things into perspective and made me take note of all the struggles I used to face 10 years ago – mainly internal – that felt so overpowering and so real...then fast forward to now.
10 years ago, in my early twenties, was a dark time; I was trying to hold it all together. Bad bad mental health. Holding up a facade of myself. Trying to be 'perfect' (whatever that was). Trying to be everything to everyone – fun, slim, amazing, smart, social, studios, sexy, a hard worker, likeable, pretty, polite, unwavering, ambitious, financially lucrative, self-reliant, high-achieving and highly capable at everything, nice to everyone (even if they were a sh*t bag). But, I relied on several vices and unhealthy coping mechanisms, ignored my authentic voice, and washed myself into nothing along the way, that at times, made me not want to be here anymore...I coulda cracked or given up at any moment. But, hitting my rock bottom pushed me upwards.
And now, at 33, I am so proud of myself for genuinely believing how amazing, beautiful, clever, loving, ambitious, kind, accepting I am. I am not acting. I am not self-destructing to cope. And I no longer focus on my weight! Hurrah. The ride has been tumultuous, but now I see way more light in my life and after 10 years, have the tools to manage my mental health so much better.
That poem was so aptly titled: Life is sweet. And I can finally say that it is. Even amidst (emotional) storms that arise.
Let them.
Just let them. A philosophy to live by, brought to my attention by Mel Robbins and an unrelated Youtuber who read Cassie Phillips' poem, Let Them on her channel.
Let them.
This means: let go of the want/need to know or control an outcome. Let go of attaching to an outcome to make you happy. This phrase loosens your grip on life around things you can rarely affect and allows you to refocus on the things that you can.
e.g. "They didn't hire me for the job after 5 rounds! That's so annoying, they made do so much work and wasted my time." – Let them.
"They cheated on me and said the relationship wasn't enough for them." – Let them.
"I didn't get the pay rise I was promised due to business cuts." – Let them.
In all of these circumstances you gain two valuable things:
1. Peace of mind. Some sort of line in the sand or checkpoint. Ahhh, one step ahead. Light relief, you could say.
2. The information you need to move forward in a way that suits how you want to live and that aligns your value.
- Keep applying for jobs in that role if that's what you want. The hiring team owe you nothing, so save your energy for future applications instead of cussing them out. It's not personal you didn't hired, and if it was (which you'll likely never know), it's their loss. You'll get a job at a company that SEES you!
- If someone cheats on and leaves you, again, it's their loss. They don't see the value you bring or the value your relationship held, and you can't make them. They clearly have a different agenda or set of needs, and unfortunately it hasn't worked here (through sh*tty circumstances which isn't okay btw). However, the truth is revealed: these shapes don't fit. If you have to convince someone of your worth, time, and the things you bring to a partnership, it's not looking good. Again, you'll connect with someone who SEES you. Your shape will fit with someone else's.
- If you're an employee, you'll likely have zero control over business budgets. Businesses don't always foresee changes coming that will affect their bottom line. Don't let this situation consume you. You did everything you could, you trusted someone's word, and now have the result you weren't looking for. You either stay or go. It's that simple. And only you know what's best for you, what you can tolerate, your risk appetite, what other things the job provides, your responsibilities to upkeep, resources, and VALUE.
By letting go of half the stuff we want to happen or ideally would happen "if XYZ," we conserve our energy, we act more intentionally, we let life flow, and accept that we will be alright either way. We are not conditional, it's very Buddha.
As always, lotsa love and chat next week x
