We don't handle uncertainty well. Actually some of us do, some of less so. There are two sides to this story and here, I'm going to dive into them through my personal lens. I've concluded that people sit on spectrum and have varying levels of capacity for uncertainty across different sectors of their lives. So if you're going through any amount of uncertainty and want to know why it's affecting you as it is, how to manage it, and when it might be good for you, read on.
Why I'm blogging about this now
If you've been here for a few weeks, you might know why... Uncertainty has been rife because I've been in a period of flux in the following sectors: love life (long-distance relationship), job lay off, flat falling through, and living without a base for a year+; deciding where to stay each month in various cities/countries.
I've been thrown around by uncertainty and while observing my experience and unsettling symptoms, I've tried to work out why I'm handling this kind of uncertainty like I am, how to manage it, and what I can take from this period to better cope or make decisions next time. This is all personal, so note that what is real and works for me might not resonate with you. Here goes...
How we feel uncertainty
- Emotional instability: regularly crying, feeling ready to cry at any moment throughout the day, or falling easily into a state of volatility or overwhelm triggered by ordinary things (like a meeting being cancelled or not having milk at the shops)
- Feeling stressed: headaches, not sleeping well, tightness in chest, some emotional eating, bowel disruptions...
- Anxiousness: tight chest, shortness of breath and irregular breathing, sometimes irregular heartbeat
- Mentally spiralling: looping on the same thoughts most of the day, trying to solve everything at once rather than calmly and methodically, worst-case scenario and pessimistic thinking over balanced thinking
- Lack of sociability: My ability to socialise reduced greatly. I found it harder to show up for others and felt more false in myself having to 'put on a face' publicly. I wanted to cocoon and stay inside more, freeing up my days to do the least possible.
- Lack of energy/motivation: I was fine keeping up my movement schedule, but I found it super hard to create or do anything beyond the basics–I had no energy to write poems, do my podcast, take up extra curriculars or go to events/things that would usually be fun for me. Everything beyond staying alive felt like a LOT.
- Fidgeting: Pulling off or tugging at my fake nails. Biting my nails and skin a lot more.
How to deal with uncertainty
- Exercise!: I swear by it. It's the one thing every day I needed to get a boost of positive endorphins and rebalance my hormones. Mentally, it fortified trust in myself, demonstrating that I was strong and capable, through times I felt I wasn't.
- Regular walks: As often as possible, I would go for a walk to break my mental looping. It forced my mind to focus on surroundings, where I was going, and to be aware of things outside of myself–organic distractions!
- Go to nature: Any green space, or ideally time by the sea, helps cleanse my spirit and ground me. I feel like I've been hugged after time with nature. There's a science in it, I won't go over it here.
- Journal: Firstly, to dump all internal sh*t onto a page and free my mind (the what). Secondly, to observe how I was thinking and responding to things, and familiarise myself with my own patterns. If I could see a pattern or consistent response, I could stop it in its tracks and start to form new responses that serve me better.
- Connection/support: Go to where you feel safe, can be held, and unravel. Where someone can take a load off (be it to help refresh or breakthrough your thinking, solve problems for you, or look after you in some physical way). For me, that looked like going towards my partner and also back home to the UK where family is. I had to acknowledge that in some circumstances I need help and I can't move through it alone–and that's completely human.
- Make a change: Any change. Because staying in the same zone/space/routine where you're experiencing your symptoms might be compounding the problem. This could be in the form of picking up a new ritual or routine. Speaking to someone. Or changing direction in some way. I chose the latter two: I leaned on therapy and booked a flight to get the connection/support I needed.
How I knew I was healing/coping
- Feeling more solid in myself. I could identify myself taking shape again as 'Alix' and not just feeling flat, empty, and hopeless like I did for a sustained period...sort of like a bit of air was filling me up again inside; housing a partially blown up balloon.
- A greater appetite to do stuff–a want to have plans in the diary or look for activities
- A wonder in my mind; I noticed positive thoughts come in more often
- Feeling some excitement for the future amidst the greyness
- A return to hobbies–I'm here writing this blog regularly! And I'm motivated to do so!
- An appetite to learn about myself and my inner state again (I had no capacity to listen to music, which in turn makes me feel things, or tune into non-fiction podcasts to understand what I was experiencing)
- Sleeping SOLIDLY, regularly. Hallelujah!
Leaning on tools above that helped reduce all the fuzz and heaviness. -->Which then helped me come back to myself and feel more grounded. -->Which then helped me think less existentially and straighter (about possibilities or solutions). -->Which allowed me to create a time limit or condition for making a decision on what I might want for myself (along with the info I had acquired processing *cough* journalling, listening to more silent, intuitive voice inside *cough*!) -->Which leads me to feeling more settled and clear on what's going to happen and having a sense of control over my life which I didn't before. --> Once said condition have occurred or the time limit has passed, I can make further moves from there with new information.
Resource of the week
NPR's Hidden Brain Podcast, Sitting With Uncertainty is great for the why. This episode is: "A look at how we respond to uncertainty through extensive research, and why this psychological trait plays a surprisingly large role in shaping our behavior, perspectives — even our political beliefs."
Stay well. Chat soon x
