Wowie. It's been a long time... I'm tempted to say 'xoxo Gossip Girl' or 'Good morning, Gentle Readers' but instead I'll give you: Hihi! How are you? It feels nice to be back. And even better to own a blog that looks like it was made before pixels got cuter and everything is FIGMA'd. I wanna keep it this way––more of an ode to writing. This is a little comeback entry along with the 'why' and a few things I've learned as of late meandering through adulthood at 33; about to be laid off, flat just fallen through, feeling directionless, in a long-distance relationship, and living abroad without all the connection I love and need. WELCOME BACK!
So, why am I back?
1. Podcasting is amazing. I love The Mobile Mentor. But it doesn't always love me––it requires constant TLC, brain space, a consistent energy level...and as of late, I don't have that to give (note my intro^). But I can give to this little guy more easily.
2. I'm a BIG thinker...maybe to my detriment. Thinking, for me, is synchronous with writing. Writing helps me process my thoughts, and at a time when my life is mildly in flames, I need a space to organise my thinking into something digestible.
3. There's a loveliness to knowing that this blog houses my experiences and learnings over the years. It makes me feel nostalgic. It helps me remember that I have something to say, it matters, and somewhere, by some chance, someone might find value in it. More than that, I find a lot of value in writing it. I'll probably come back here when I'm 43 and be like: 'awww.'
Your thirties don't get easier
If there's something I can say with conviction it's that I feel just as thrown around and confused by life now as I did in my twenties (with a lot less depression, and more self-awareness and self-esteem, of course). I know my worth, I know what I like, I know who I like, I know how I like to feel, I'm more intentional with my time. However, life's a b*tch and can still pull the rug out from under you inducing a state of disarray. Maybe I just haven't evolved enough yet, or I'm more aware of the sh*t heap of news unfolding daily and pessimism being wired into my brain, but I feel there's still a mountain to climb just as I did at 26. A smaller mountain. The world is still as chaotic with new/old problems (the creative industries–my industry–getting phased out and devalued by AI, businesses flopping, salaries dropping like MAD, freelance gigs drying up, racism riots, 239 wars occurring, distrust in institutions strengthening, cost of living skyrocketing, people I love suffering health-wise, being endlessly digitally connected, and meaning shifting at the speed of light), it's just that now I have hyper-awareness and life experience deterring me from pain and fear to contend with.
I endeavour to write a new post every week (at worst, every 2 weeks)––like a little ritual with myself. I've been hella low in motivation the last few months; with so much uncertainty across different sectors of my life, it's hard to pull the energy out of my arse and do stuff. But that could be seen as counterintuitive––if I DO commit to something every week that brings my joy/value, maybe that could help me find more umph in other areas of my life––or at least realise something in the process. The act of showing up for yourself helps with self-trust and self-belief, says a famous psychologist somewhere... Here goes.
Life's hard. But we'll be okay. What thing(s) are you putting off right now?
AB x
