I wanted to share my experience and advice on how to get over being mugged, along with the healing stages that follow. This is a (wisely) post-processing post as I got sucked into emotional turmoil for the first few days. Oh... and sorry to anyone who has been mugged – I hope you find some solace in this post.
-Shock, denial, minor unsteadiness, but a willingness to continue my day, plus a heightened consciousness that resuming normality is probably(?) the best thing. I handled it, surprisingly well(?!). Work colleagues suggested I go home, but I didn't feel I needed to.
Second Stage: That Night
-Crying myself to sleep, a real feeling of violation plus hurt, as if I had re-opened a wound of a bad break-up. It was a loss. I felt weaker, vulnerable and betrayed (oddly because I didn't know the thieves). But they had taken something from me they shouldn't have and had no right to. It created a power deficit. It also dented my confidence in 'handling' daily life. I was on such a high when it happened, that it dropped me to a real low (and I'm aware that I have a volatile state as it is). Moreover, there was no opportunity for me to defend myself – I was rendered helpless from the start.
Third Stage: The Following Day
-Acceptance, seeping in and processing. I started the day okay...but soon realised I was emotionally unsteady. The more I was asked 'are you okay?' at work, the more I noticed I wasn't and felt tears rising. What-is-more, resuming normal responsibilities such as attending meetings, along with the idea of applying myself took me over the edge. I tried fighting off tears at my desk (ineffective) and the flood gates opened. During a walk to let it all out without eyes on me, I felt that weight and hollowness in my chest – the strong punch of betrayal again.
Overall I was overwhelmed by normal small things. The thought of asserting myself fuelled the tears and fear of not being good enough. I wasn't confident in my work 'self' and my normal ability to mask everyday qualms was broken. I couldn't put on my front. It was VERY useful in highlighting what lied beneath...
Another note; I was so so saddened by the people on the pavement around me who seemed to dissipate as soon as the mugging happened. I couldn't fathom why no one gave a sh*t. The state of the city upset me...it felt so inhumane!? But once emotions calmed, I thought about other people's motives: many people live in their own worlds, many people don't want to risk bringing harm to themselves or their families in case it went sour, many people don't want to get involved and that's their choice (they owe me nothing), many people don't place as high value on being mugged as I did, because it's hard to relate to when it's not YOU – it could have just been 'another London incident' (it was my first).
Every time I recalled the mugging, I felt sick and my body wanted to recoil around my stomach. It was horrible to think about, so I tried not to. The fact that they entered my personal space – they got close to me without invitation – then took from me, feeling comfortable to do so, made me feel sick. It was a sign of the lack of respect and compassion, of which I have a lot towards other people. This was utterly unfathomable in my mind and so had a real impact. It was an eye-opener to the difference in values – no matter how much care I give, it's not always reciprocated. This was betrayal, family or not.
Fourth Stage: The Day After That...
-Support was sought along with the time and space to forget and re-focus. I found sanctuary at my Brighton home as I knew nothing would be asked of me there – it was a safe place, it was restful and I slept a lot because the high emotions were draining. There I felt cared for, which rebalanced the belief that there are people that don't bloody care (as per the incident).
Even though I steadied each day and was able to wake up merrier, walk in public and not carry fear, the thought of work and people emailing me with indirect requests caused me to feel pressure and more tears. I just didn't want to face it and go back in. I liked simple days. This highlighted that I still needed some time to 'forget' before resuming normality... But it was clear I attached the incident with work and it had amplified existing insecurities.
After returning the following Monday, I was sure to be mindful not to negatively associate mugging with London life/work... I still love ya LDN! After a week or so I did feel fleeting pangs of anger (particularly revengeful anger towards mopeds) but other than that, I was good. I stay aware now. I'm back, feeling stronger and powerful when I walk from the acquired 'life experience.' I like to see it as a message or karma for a time when I emitted bad energy.
(^Seemed apt - some feel it acceptable to reap rewards they didn't earn (properly). @notestostrangers snap from my IG: @a_blanx)
Main Lessons:
-Don't blame yourself. You are just a number.
-Keep your phone out of sight.
-Don't take it personally when those around you don't help.
-Focus on what didn't happen – like getting hurt (in my case) or them stealing anything else.
-Don't recount the events too much to self-inflict pain – it is out of your control and will drain your energy. Recount only enough for self learning.
-People respond differently so don't put pressure on yourself to deal with it how others expect you to.
-Take time to process it and do what you feel comfortable with thereafter (responsibilities dependent).
-Take time to process it and do what you feel comfortable with thereafter (responsibilities dependent).
-Notice your response; it may trigger underlying issues or problems previously buried. It's a chance to grow and heal. Don't let it evolve into something nastier inside you - catch it at the surface!
-Most importantly, an 'eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.' Hurting someone else won't take your pain away.
Peace and Love all x
